Life Beyond Church
by Eternal Dreamer's Stories
Summary: Kurt Wagner withdraws to life of a priest, but is that really what he wants, life in celibacy? There is someone to make him question his purpose on life.


She watched as Kurt prepared for another day of serving the church. She just came to visit - or at least that's what she told him and the Head Priest who've let her in reluctantly. Outsiders weren't allowed here, almost like as if it was a prison.

Now she was in the dorm for priests and those waiting for their vows, watching Kurt assemble his rosary, holly bible and whatever else he might need on his daily routine in here.

He was dressed all black - it seemed not like him. Ever since they met for the first time he'd always wear rather light colors unless he tried to blend in the night. It changed after he joined church. He all changed. Like this place took a huge part of him and locked it away, because the strict rules aplying to those serving God didn't allow just so much.

"Your holy oders are next week, right?" she asked in lowered voice.

He turned his face to her and smiled. "Vows, ja."

"Whatever" she muttered, crossing her arms on her chest as she rested against wall by the only small window in the room. "I don't care how it's called, only that after it's over you can't take it back so easily."

Kurt frowned at her as he fixed his sleeves and adjusted the white collar, whatever it was called. All she cared about was that it meant his devotion to the church will soon trap him in its walls for good.

"Why would I want to take it back?" he asked curiously, but she could see something in his eyes. Some kind of sadness. What was it about?

"I don't know why would you want to become a priest in the first place" she replied, her sadness masked with irritation.

He gave her a thoughtful face, and smirked. "Maybe because I love God and consider devoting life to him the right way?"

"Ridiculous."

"Why would it be?"

Kurt was finished preparing and now he just stood there watching her as if her questions were somehow funny. For her it was not funny. Not at all. He was going to devote his life to something she didn't believe in, to naive imagination. He was always devoted to God, and she didn't try to stop him, but this... this was too much.

And - she admitted quietly - church would keep him away from her. Maybe that was what pained her the most.

She didn't respond to his question. It was ridiculous and wrong to her, at too many levels. She didn't want to start an argument. Especially not since this visit felt like a goodbye. Instead she asked: "Do you really want to hide within these walls all your life?"

He rested against wooden desk behind him as he looked away. Looking away - that was the first strong sign she noticed that he doesn't really want it. He replied to her question low: "World outside these walls isn't very accepting of me, you know that. Right here I can be myself."

"Yourself?" she asked, trying to swallow her anger, but failing. "You're fun, lively and loving, this place allows non of these."

"It does..."

"Oh please" she rolled her eyes. "And tell me, Kurt, do you really wan to live in continency?"

For a momment he looked like this question hit him across his face. Then he tried to compose himself, but she didn't buy it. "That's alright" he replied low.

"Alright?" she echoed. "That doesn't sound convincing."

When he looked up at her the emotion in his eyes made her arms unfold and her irritation cool of, replaced with heartache.

His cracked smile was fragile. "Remember when I told you how I feel about you? It's been three years and nothing changed. I can't look for someone else feeling like this, and you don't think of me that way so... I figured this place is right for me to clean of all those... inappriopate thoughts."

She was staring back at him across the room. Her mind blank. Only after he moved she regained her senses and pulled away from the wall. But she couldn't find the words to say what she felt. Was he here because of her? No, he really was devoted to the church. But he went this far to aim for priesthood because his ealier relationships didn't work out and when he settled for her, she turned him down?

She has to stop it. Now. She doesn't want to see him trapped within these walls for life. He can have so much more, do so much better. Her bad opinion on religion only made her feel more desperate.

But what is she supposed to tell him? That those three years ago when he confessed his feelings to her she was stupid and immature? Back then, at her age of 26, she was trapped in completely another life, where there was no such thing as love and care and need and affection- all those things he made her feel later on, and she didn't even notice when. But by the time she acknowlaged her feelings they were so strong, and he was already on his way to priesthood. She couldn't tell how he felt about it, she could only see in his eyes that this is not exactly the life he dreamed about, but he found it righterous and cleaning him of everything this world tried to accus him of. All she knew is that if he went on the way he tried to go for her it would feel like someone digged out her heart, played with it and gave it back full of holes and dirt.

How much she urged to take it all back and start a new was beyond comparishion.

She didn't think much, she just felt and went with it, as she walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He turned to her with wondering and appearently saw this something in her eyes because whatever he wanted to say never left his lips. She didn't even know what was right there in her eyes, she never felt like this before.

As he turned to her she could see the white collar, and the second in came in her view she felt something boil in her. She reached to it and slid her fingertips under it, before she thought about it she pulled on it and the piece of rigid material slid out of the pockets under black shirt's collar.

"Was-" Kurt shocked at her actions reached to stop her hand, but she already threw away the white collar. "Why did you-"

"FOR A MOMENT" she stopped him speaking loudly. He looked at her his eyes still wide from surprise, and she continued, feeling like she's about to cry, but managing to stay relatively calm. "For a moment forget you're a priest. Think of those last months in the church and ask yourself honestly if that's what you want."

He didn't respond, didn't look very sure of his decision. It pushed her further.

"Ask yourself if you'd rather spend days talking to no-one and call it praying-"

"Now you're inappriopate. Don't judge my faith-"

"I'm not- sorry. You're right. But I want you to judge your decisions from a distance. Would you rather live like that" she placed her hand gently on his cheek, and being this close she could see it made his heart beat faster, "believing in things you can't touch, or would you rather have the real thing" she finished in lowered voice.

Her face was mare inches away from his own, their breaths already mixing. A moment Kurt wished for until he decided to devote his life to his religion. It seemed like a fair plan to do that, but now-

And before he realized, her lips were on his, and it was definately not just a virgin kiss, but one that made him moan. He's been imagining this moment when he first discovered his feelings for her, but she turned him down, and he tried hard to stop himself from imagining it anymore. Right now it happened, just happened. Making his focus go dizzy and all of his emotion squeez on his throat.

She was going to pull away, but before she did his arms suddenly pulled her close by her waist and his tail wrapped around her leg. He didn't seem to control himself, scared of his own actions, but the outcome - the proxmity - made him shiver.

It wasn't his first kiss, and neither it was hers, but for all those years it seemed like the two of them could never actually share one. Now it got his head spinning around, and in back of his mind he admitted that among the three women he kissed in his life, his first kiss with non of them was this passionate, nor it felt this right.

And wrong. At the top of the amazing feeling was the fact that it was wrong. He was a beginning priest - in a week it would be granted and his mission as a servant of God would be permament. But he was already supposed to live in celibacy and now here he was, enjoying a very not-innocent kiss.

And then, the moment was over as she pulled away and left him feeling like a part of him pulled away from his soul along with her, making him incomplete forever.

She looked into his eyes, her own shining as she stepped away from his arms. For a moment they both were at loss for words.

Finally she looked sadly at him. "Just think about all you'll be missing out on if you decide to make the oath" she whispered shakily. Her eyes dropped to the floor and her pales turned into fists as she left his dorm walking fastly.

Kurt had trouble breathing even after she left, his mind completely in mess as he stared at the white collar on the floor. He knew not what to do. 

* * *

So what do you think?

This girl - Fallen - and Kurt are together in my main story and alternative stories in universe of X-Men: Evolution, this time I decided to try something different and went for Comicverse where Kurt is a priest.

Disclaimer: I don't own Nightcrawler, but I own my OC, Fallen.


End file.
